Life's lessons

Wishes

2010-06-19T12:33:00.000-07:00

Deep down I will always wish he loved me as much as I loved him.
I wish he knew how much I cared....
I wish he knew how much shit he put me through
He doesn't know that his bitchy ex girlfriend talked shit because I told him the truth of her cheating ways... I didn't try to ruin the relationship I just didn't want to see him hurt. And his newest girlfriend is worried that I may try to steal him away from her, AS IF.
There are a few things I know for sure,
He can be a good guy when he wants to be very good at acting like he cares
but in the end it comes down to what he wants.
He says he doesn't like drama but only seems to date the drama queens.
And he's always too high to realize the good things he has.
Once he feels what I felt all those years when you totally completely would do anything or risk everything for a person who doesn't give a shit, and only uses you when the are lonely and need a rebound. When he feels that when he knows what its like thats when I will forgive him.
Thats when I wish things could go back to how they used to be, before we got into this mess back when I could talk to him about everything and I could call him my best friend.

Losing Yourself

2010-04-07T09:56:00.000-07:00

One moment your seemingly healthy and happy, the next you are deteriorating and turning into dust. I never thought I would see you like this, you were so strong and confident now you seem weak and lonely. You have completely given up on yourself and yet you still drag the people who believe in you along. There is no hope, there was never any hope, so live like it's your last day. That is the only thing that can make you any stronger now.

Simplicity

2010-04-07T09:51:00.000-07:00

If only everything was simple, like it was in life as a child. Once you grow up it's a complicated dog eat dog world. Back then all you needed to worry about was how high you can climb on the jungle gym and what kind of sandwich did your parents pack you for lunch. Simple was nice, there was no drama. Childhood was amazing and innocent then you become a teenager and edge closer to the scary adulthood no one truly wants. Reality is hard, love is hard, life is hard, if only everything could just be simple.

Innocent Bystander

2010-04-07T09:36:00.000-07:00

The fear in your eyes, the anger in your voice, the pain you can't hide and no one can help you. I am just an innocent bystander to your recent misfortune. The caution signs are there and yet I can't seem to look away. I've grown to care because I've been there. So let me be there, I want to be there. I may be a devilish angel with cruel intentions but for you I will be there, because everyone needs someone that cares.

The Traveling Salesman

2010-04-07T09:27:00.000-07:00

You come and go like a traveling salesman. I am just another girl behind a door you knock on. You seem to have some strange hold on my heart and I don't understand why? You come and go and each time you leave with a small piece of my heart in your suitcase. A piece that will be forgotten until the next time you come to town and knock on my door. I wish that for once you were trying to sell me your heart, not your friendship, not a good time, although I would and have bought that before, I want you all of you, so skip my door, please skip my door. My heart is already in so many pieces I don't want to give you any more.

Loving Affection

2010-04-07T09:20:00.000-07:00

Love is really or at least there is hope for the real thing. People show their affection everywhere, so maybe it's there. I won't believe in it until I experience it first hand. Of course I am happy for my best friends that believe they are in love and I will be there for them when it all falls apart. Love is what I believe to be one of the strongest emotions there is and some people just aren't ready to experience it. People constantly confuse love with lust, and lust disappear over time. I just want to know what love truly is? Is it easy or hard? Will I like it or try to hide from it? Love just doesn't make sense, it is a mystery to me.

Insignificant

2010-04-06T16:21:00.001-07:00

To the outside world life seems difficult.When they look at me they see simple. When I look at myself I think insignificant. How can you have significance when you do nothing but sit and watch time pass you by? You feel as if your fading into the background and becoming an after thought on the minds of everyone that is important to you. You know your a disappointment and yet you do nothing to change it. Why change something that your good at? Something that you have grown to accept after being told many times what you really are. A loser, a dumbass, a bitch, a fuck up and a disappointment, those words you hear constantly. Those words that have been implanted in your mind, you have gotten so used to those words that they don't even hurt you anymore. Those words that have been becoming more true each time you hear them. You learn to build up walls and not let anyone in, not let anyone break you down. You put on a mask of happiness, you put that smile on your face and you fool everyone because deep down your insignificant and alone.